JUICERS GET THEIR DAY ON THE FIELD: STEROID FANS REJOICE!
In a groundbreaking move, a group of online investors has come together to fund the Enhanced Games, a series of events that aims to be the “21st Century Olympics without drug testing.” This exciting development has attracted some big names, including venture capitalist Christian Angermayer, former Coinbase CTO Balaji Srinivasan, and PayPal co-founder Peter Thiel, who is famously known for his complicated relationship with Elon Musk.
According to Aron D’Souza, President of the Enhanced Games, unlike the traditional Olympic Games, this new venture believes in rewarding excellence. “Support from the world’s leading venture capitalists enables us to create the structures that pay athletes fairly,” D’Souza stated in a press release. It is worth noting that D’Souza previously led Thiel’s litigation against Gawker, Gizmodo’s former parent company.
The Enhanced Games will focus on world records, but here’s the twist: these records won’t count. Embracing the use of steroids, the organization argues that they are beneficial for athletes and the world. In a bold move, they even hired a doctor to endorse their stance, claiming that the event is healthy, smart, and cool.
Dr. Michael Sagner, a member of the Enhanced Games’ Scientific and Medical Advisory Commission, explained, “Contemporary drug testing practiced in sports today is not necessarily about athlete safety; it often skews the public perception of fairness and health in competitive sports. Enhanced will be adopting a sophisticated safety protocol which puts the athlete’s health first – including comprehensive health checks before and after competitions.” Sagner assures that preexisting conditions will be screened for, ensuring the safety of the athletes.
The Enhanced Games will feature a range of sports familiar to fans of the traditional Olympics, such as track and field, swimming, gymnastics, weightlifting, and combat sports. While no specific date has been announced for the inaugural Enhanced Games, D’Souza promises that thanks to the deep pockets of their wealthy backers, taxpayer money will not be wasted. This is in stark contrast to the real Olympics, which often sees billions of taxpayer dollars poured into underutilized infrastructure.
D’Souza believes that the Enhanced Games are the future of sports, stating, “Just as the ancient Olympics were revived and renovated in 1896 for the Victorian world, the Enhanced Games is once again renovating the Olympic model for the twenty-first century. In the era of accelerating technological and scientific change, the world needs a sporting event that embraces the future, particularly advances in medical science.”
Thomas Germain, a senior reporter for Gizmodo.com, covers this exciting development. Stay tuned for more updates on this groundbreaking event!
