Finally, a Monday morning where I’m mildly hungover from a big Sunday NASCAR race. I’ve been waiting months to feel this feeling again!
Wait. That’s not quite right. I feel perfectly fine today. It was yesterday morning where I felt that again, because – in classic NASCAR fashion – nothing and I mean nothing can ever just go right.
If this weekend was any indication of how the rest of the season would go, buddy – we are in TROUBLE.
I mean, of course, right? Of course the entire state of California was set to be swallowed whole by the Pacific in the storm of the century on the first Sunday of the 2024 NASCAR season. Just classic.
I’ll give the fellas who make the big decisions credit, though, because they shockingly nailed this one. It’s not often they do, so perhaps this year won’t be that bad after all.
And that’s not just me saying that, either.
I believe Chase Elliott – who picked up right where he left off this weekend (he wrecked) – said moving the race up a full 24 hours was the smartest thing NASCAR’s done ever. Ever!
Can’t believe Chase didn’t say it was the decision to lean into the whole DEI thing. Weird!
What else ya’ll wanna talk about today? Bubba Wallace spinning and then immediately hitting the road in maybe the smoothest move of all time? Yep!
Tall Joey Logano little-boying tiny Ty Gibbs? Absolutely. Maybe OnlyFans racer Natalie Decker giving us a major (and potentially devastating) update on her maybe OnlyFans page? Of course!
Sam Busch will be here too, because any day that ends in y is a Samantha Busch day.
Whew. OK. Let’s roll.
Four tires, a submarine to haul the fellas out of disgusting California, and maybe a nudge in the right direction for OnlyFans Natalie … Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the ‘Wet ’N Wild’ edition – is LIVE!
May as well start with the post-race fireworks, huh? It’s been a long three months, so no sense in waiting.
Ty Gibbs had the best car Saturday night, led a billion laps and probably should have won. But, of course, late cautions ultimately did him in, bunched the field, and left him in a couple dicey spots.
Hell, it wasn’t even Logano who wrecked him! But the two battled all night for the lead, and it appears Joey didn’t appreciate that type of racing:
First off, how about Erik Jones? Might be the funniest thing he’s ever said, which isn’t saying much, but still. A+ comment. Need more of that energy this year, big fella. Nice work.
Second off – STAY OFF THE LIFT GATE, GUYS! For the love of God, stay off the damn lift gate.
Thirdly (off?), I think I’m #TeamTinyTy here. Did ya’ll see that race? The only way you pass is by essentially shoving the car in front of you up the track and out of the way. That’s it.
It’s a one-groove short track, and when that happens, you’re gonna get your ass shoved into outer space.
Just ask Kyle Larson and Bubba Wallace!
Honestly, that’s a good point from Bubba. How the hell did he finish 12th? He didn’t FINISH! I do appreciate the move from him, though.
Didn’t even bother trying to get her straightened out to finish the lap. Nope. Just bailed. Hits the exit-ramp and headed for the hills before the rain.
Side note: Remember that one time Bubba intentionally wrecked Kyle Larson during the playoffs, then hopped out of his car in the middle of the infield and started decking him? Insane.
Anyway, while we didn’t see that on Saturday (sad), we did have some hurt feelings after a couple hours of NASCAR carnage.
Ricky Stenhouse Jr. wasn’t thrilled:
How about Michael McDowell saying he just wanted to finish 15th or 10th? Hilarious? What? Who cares?!
No idea if McDowell actually said that, but if he did, I’m glad Ricky punted his ass into the sun. Read a room for me one time, Mike.
You know who else was pissed Saturday? The 12 people who actually showed up to the last-minute race:
I’m so happy Denny Hamlin has continued to be an absolute dick this season. I was worried he may throttle it back a touch, but nope – he’s full throttle, baby!
And no, I haven’t watched the new Netflix series yet. I don’t have that kind of money. I assume I’ll illegally stream at some point soon like the rest of blue-collar America.
But I did hear he was a star and I’m not surprised. Duh. Every sport needs a villain and Denny’s filled that role perfectly.
OK, that’s it from LA. Back to the offseason (for one week), which means back to Samantha Busch and McCall Gaulding. Fine! We’ll also check in with Erika Anne Turner – Ross Chastain’s model girlfriend who also doubles as a Monster girl:
Can’t believe Erika was in town and didn’t say hi. Sad! Oh well – everyone will be back in a little over a week.
That’s right – NASCAR is BACK in the offseason for another week. Just like that. They gave us a taste – and it was a really small one for most because it was moved up 24 hours with about two hours notice – and now they’re gone again.
It’s OK. Daytona will be here soon enough. Just have to get that pesky Super Bowl out of the way first.
On our way out, Natalie Decker spent the weekend doing a 30-minutes video for You … Tube (animals) and answered a ton of questions.
After getting through the hard-hitting ones – do you ever race in Victoria’s Secret? – she finally addressed the elephant in the room.
How’s the OnlyFans coming?
For those who missed it – and if you read this column every Monday, you didn’t – Decker teased an OnlyFans months ago, but it’s been quiet ever since.
Unfortunately, it sounds like it’s gonna stay quiet for a while longer (13:57):
“No, I probably won’t be starting an OnlyFans … I do have a Patreon account.”
Ah, Patreon – the OG OnlyFans. Most don’t remember Patreon, and frankly I didn’t realize it still existed, but it does. And Natalie’s content will apparently live there for the foreseeable future.
And for only $15 a month, you can go along for the ride!
Upon first glance, there are certainly worse ways to spend $15 today.
Take us home, Larry Mac!
